It's not unusual for an upscale restaurant to enforce a strict dress code. If you choose to rock your Nike Airs that evening, you won't be allowed to break bread at one of their pristine tables -- and it's totally within their right to set whatever rules they feel will create the setting they want at their establishment. Other eateries have very reasonable requests -- you know: no shirt, no shoes, no service. Few people would argue with this simple regulation because, you know, your bare feet don't belong anywhere near a plate of food.

But staff members at a Morton's Steakhouse in Nashville took dress code too far when they insisted a man who is undergoing chemotherapy remove his beanie -- and then reportedly kicked him and his party out of the restaurant for not complying.

Robert Chambers has been battling cancer for 10 months. He and 15 coworkers were enjoying a holiday dinner at the chain steakhouse when Chambers said he felt cold and put on his wool beanie to keep his head warm. The party had nearly wrapped up and guests were in the process of paying the $2,500 bill when a totally clueless manager approached the man and asked him to remove his hat. Even though the restaurant's dress code policy doesn't specifically state that hats are prohibited, I am going to play devil's advocate for a second and say it's possible the manager made the assumption that a beanie isn't suitable "business attire."

Fine. But what reportedly happened next is unreal.

Chambers' friends allegedly tried to explain to the manager why the man was wearing his hat. His response? Next time bring a doctor's note. Or, better still, call ahead so they could be seated in a private room. When Chambers refused to remove his hat, party members claim they were asked to leave the restaurant. 

What the what?! This is a grown adult male we're talking about. The words "doctor's note" shouldn't be used outside of middle school. And the only way the manager could justify the need for a private room is if he could also explain what made this man's beanie so offensive to other diners?

Even if Morton's had an ironclad rule about beanies, you make an exception for a person who is cold because he or she is suffering from a disease. Absolutely. No. Excuse.

Of course, we need to remember that the insensitive actions of a few people shouldn't reflect on an entire eating establishment (I swear I'm not just saying this because I love a good Morton's steak). Executives from the corporation reportedly did the right thing by contacting Chambers directly to apologize, donating $2,000 to St. Jude's Hospital on Chambers' behalf, and partnering with the man to underwrite a cancer fundraiser.

What do you think of the way the manager treated Chambers? Did he have the right to stick to his guns about the dress code? 

Image via A Certain Slant of Light/Flickr

There is rarely a day that goes by when we aren't bombarded with images of celebrities, models, or even fitness bloggers who gave birth three seconds ago and have already dropped all the weight and wiped out all evidence of stretch marks. Look, some women have secret tummy tucks and others are purely and truly genetically predispositioned to lose the weight quickly -- I don't feel there's anything wrong with their enviable selfies.

But lest we forget that a great many women -- most, I'm going to say -- aren't going to have washboard abs one month postpartum, this amazing and brave blogger and mom of three is here to remind us that we shouldn't be ashamed of our real postpartum bodies. And she's willing to prove it by sharing photos of her own body 11 months after giving birth to twins. 

Shannon, who also has a toddler, created her Game of Diapers blog when she was on maternity leave with her twins. She's since posted several photos of herself because she says she understands how easy it is to feel "fat" and become depressed after giving birth. She feels we need to cut ourselves some slack and wants other moms to know they're not going through it alone. "As odd as my belly looks now, I love it because it was the home of my babies, and I wouldn't change it," Shannon says.

More from The Stir:Photographer's '4th Trimester Project' Shows the Beauty of the Post-Baby Body (PHOTOS)

Shannon gained 52 pounds with her twins. But she learned from the mistake she made after giving birth to her first child, when she killed herself trying to lose weight quickly. By simply eating well, walking, and breastfeeding, she says she lost her baby weight the second time around in more or less the same timeframe -- AND saved herself all of that added stress.

Here are photos of Shannon, including shots of her tummy:

Kudos to Shannon for sharing her photos! She's an inspiration to all new moms. 

Do you feel these photos accurately reflect what many women look like after giving birth?

Images via Game of Diapers

One of the major rules about Christmas desserts is that they have to be fun. And pretty. Oh, and able to fit securely in a box that you can balance on one knee while balancing bags of presents on both arms. These Candy Cane White Chocolate Mini Cheesecakes are beyond beautiful -- and will surely match your wrapping paper and tree ornaments (which is really just an added bonus, but not one we should overlook). Adults will reach for them because they're the perfect size -- anyone can have at least one, even after a dinner of baked ham and potatoes with all of the trimmings. And kids will just gobble them up because they're absolutely delicious. So let's get baking!

This delightful recipe is brought to you by What's Cooking With Ruthie. It takes just 45 minutes from prep to finish and yields 18 cupcakes -- so you'll obviously have to adjust your measurements if you plan on making a bigger or smaller batch. 

Ingredients

Instructions

*to crush candy canes, remove wrappers, place in gallon freezer bag, hit with the back of a metal spoon.

Image via What's Cooking With Ruthie

Quick: name one vacation destination you shouldn't for one second consider if you freak out over spiders and every insect on earth, never realized pigs have nipples, and -- oh yeah -- hate horses. Ding, ding, ding! "Dude ranch" is the winning answer! Yet the fearless foursome proved this week that they can and WILL pee in any worm-infested wooded area you throw their way, AND they'll do it while wearing cowboy hats and shiny black Spandex pants.

So yeah, Snooki, Jionni, JWOWW, and Roger have decided it's high time they get acquainted with the equestrian life and that the only way to vacation is to shack up in a single room with two double beds and one bathroom. I'm telling you, these four are meant to be together. The chemistry among them is so impressive, you have to keep yourself from falling asleep at times. Can they please just fight or at least snip at each other or something? The closest Nicole and Jenni come to disagreeing on anything is when Snooki tries to convince her BFF she can totally have sex in the room if she wants to and that, despite what JWOWW thinks, she won't look. Even their arguments are rooted in love and concern for one another -- blahh.

Their four-way love connection is sweet and all, but I'm starting to feel bad for the guys because it seems like they're constantly forced to concoct ways they can create a little excitement. This time around, they decide they're going to pull middle school pranks on Snooki and JWOWW, so we get to see a variety of rubber items -- no, not those kind of rubber items -- you know, boring rubber items like a rubber snake, spider, and rat. All of which make Snooki scream, but fall short of actually creating any semblance of drama.

Which is what this show desperately needs at this point.

It isn't that I'm not rooting for Snooki to overcome her hatred of horses (her words, not mine) by literally taking the reins and going for a ride. It's that I really would just rather find out her cultural background (fingers crossed -- if previews are to be believed, she'll get the results of her DNA tests next week). And I love Jenni and Roger and their funny, sweet relationship -- but I'm still worried for them and want to make sure their couples' therapy is working. 

In other words -- stop vacationing and get back to real life, you guys! Snooki, I'm especially disappointed in you because this is no time to be horsing around when you have bridesmaids dresses to pick out. Don't you know it will take at least 12 to 16 weeks to have them delivered from the warehouse and we simply don't have that much time?!

Let's hope they get the message and return to their normal NJ lunacy next week. In the meantime, here's a sneak peek at this week's episode:

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Did you like watching Snooki and JWOWW vacation at the dude ranch? What are you dying to see them do next? 

Image via MTV.com

A 37-year-old woman from Brazil made headlines this week when doctors performed an emergency C-section on her only to realize she was not pregnant. The woman believed she was 41 weeks pregnant and was admitted to a hospital after complaining about abdominal pain. Not sure if her doctors gave her a sonogram or why they wouldn't after failing to detect a heartbeat, but they reportedly decided to perform a Cesarean because she looked pregnant and was experiencing some pregnancy symptoms, like nausea.

This story sounds fishy, but the woman's actual condition isn't as odd as you may think. Docs say she had a "phantom" pregnancy, which is when women are so thoroughly convinced they are pregnant that they actually experience bodily changes that resemble those felt during pregnancy. 

Before I became pregnant with my second child, my husband and I tried to conceive for about eight months. During this time, I also began noticing that my menstrual cycle had changed a bit, which is a totally normal thing that often happens to women in their 30s. I began dealing with hellish PMS symptoms, the likes of which I hadn't experienced since I was 14. 

There was one month when I knew -- I just KNEW -- I was pregnant. I felt an immediate change in my body. I waited to take a pregnancy test because it was still too early -- but all of the right symptoms began popping up on cue. My period was late. My breasts became tender. I experienced nausea and would cry uncontrollably at the drop of a hat. These signs persisted for two weeks until I broke down and took a pregnancy test.

It was negative. But I was still utterly convinced that I was pregnant because my body didn't ordinarily do the crazy things it was doing without a good reason. My husband gently tried to talk some reason into me and reminded me that, by now, the test would likely be positive.

But he wasn't in my body. He couldn't possibly understand the way a pregnancy feels.

I tortured myself for one more week. I Googled "false negative pregnancy tests" and only paid attention to the stories that had happy endings. And then my period came -- three weeks late. I was a hysterical mess. I had wanted to believe my body wasn't lying to me, but I had to admit to myself that I'd created those physical responses.

We forget how easy it is to create false realities for ourselves, especially when we are desperate to become pregnant. The brain is so powerful that it can even disrupt hormonal balances in women who experience false pregnancies, causing an increase in the pregnancy hormone and even the stimulation of milk producing cells. 

My advice to any woman who suspects she is pregnant but doesn't have proof is not to wait to visit a doctor. The longer I let my mind wander, the more confused I became. And it goes without saying: stay off of Google.

Were you ever convinced you were pregnant when you weren't?

Image via Jacob Botter/Flickr

Call me repressed, but I would rather share my most intimate and embarrassing secret than talk about what I do on the toilet. And I'm not the only one. Some of us grew up thinking our toilets are dirty, secret places where we go to do our business -- and even turn on the faucet so company doesn't hear us -- and then flush and forget it ever happened. 

But our thoughts about the potty might change sooner than we realize. The "toilet of the future" is headed our way and it honestly sounds like a porcelain miracle. It features a built-in screening system that can actually check your waste for kidney disease, diabetes, nutritional deficiencies, and even pregnancy. But before you run to put your name on a waiting list, ask yourself this: are you willing to get with the times by...squatting? 

This incredible invention, which is called the "Wellbeing Toilet," was invented by three students in London. Rather than sit on it like a conventional toilet, you sit and pull your knees up to your chest so that you're resting in a hunched position. Many experts say squatting when you relieve yourself is actually a lot better for your health than sitting -- for one thing, it prevents hemorrhoids from forming. Hallelujah to that! And anyone who has traveled to parts of Africa or Asia -- or even Paris -- knows that squatting toilets really aren't all that uncommon.

Want to get an idea of what the Wellbeing Toilet woud look like in your house? Here you go:

Okay, it's odd-looking, but not hideous or anything.

And here's what one might look like sitting on the toilet:

It actually doesn't look as uncomfortable as I predicted it would.

No word yet on when this toilet will be available for purchase and how much it might cost, but I've got to say -- I am seriously into this idea. Not so much for the squatting aspect, which still seems strange to me, but because it actually lets us keep track of our health in ways that are revolutionary. Imagine being able to stay on top of your nutritional intake and being able to correct whatever deficiencies you may have before getting sick. Incredible. And this baby would have saved me at least $100 in pregnancy tests. 

If I lived in a house with one bathroom, I probably wouldn't buy the Wellbeing Toilet. I don't know, it would still seem weird to me to expect guests to squat when they came over. My 64-year-old dad would absolutely die. But the toilet would be perfect for a master or second bathroom. 

Here's a video clip in which the toilet's inventors chat about the Wellbeing Toilet:

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

What do you think of the Wellbeing Toilet? Would you buy one and do you think it will sell? 

Image via Mr. Doro/Flickr 

Images via YouTube

Mita Diran was a baby -- just 24 -- when she slipped into a coma this week and died, shortly after spending days awake and relying on something called Thai Red Bull just so she could work more. The Indonesian woman was a copywriter at a major ad agency in her country and proudly Tweeted about her commitment to work in the days and weeks leading up to her death. Her last Tweet, which she sent on December 14, read: "30 hours of working and still going strooong." Hers is the story of a sad, terrible waste of a young, talented life.

But Mita's work habits are probably not that far off from many of our own. And this heartbreaking story should serve as a wake-up call for some of us.

I know that I, and most of my friends, have been taught to believe that so-called "lazy" people desire more than two weeks off a year and that our smart phones should be on at all hours in case our bosses need something at midnight. Those of us who have babies feel pressure to hightail it back into the office as soon as humanly possible and then keep any evidence of home/baby stress to ourselves while we maintain the same performance levels we had pre-baby (despite running on far less sleep).

Mita suffered from heart failure before she fell into her coma and, despite her young age, it isn't difficult to see why. She practically lived at her job, according to her Tweets, and regularly consummed energy drinks which, in my opinion and based on the fact that I see middle school students downing them at 9 in the morning, needed to be regulated yesterday. 

While I understand competition for good jobs in this still frail economy is fierce, it does no one -- not you, members of your family, or your employer -- any good when you run yourself ragged. Here are some quick tips on how to keep yourself healthy when your job and fast-paced lifestyle threaten to make you sick:

1. Promise yourself you will unplug at a certain time each night and stick to it. Whether that time is 5 p.m. or 8 p.m. is up to you -- but make sure you spend at least an hour or two before bedtime doing something other than checking email or your phone.

2.Don't eat lunch at your desk if you can help it. And if you must, take at least 10 minutes afterward to walk around the block -- or even the parking lot. 

3. This goes without saying, but do not rely on energy drinks to pick you up. If one or two cups of coffee or tea in the morning aren't cutting it, then you need more sleep -- simple, but true.

4. Make it a point to see friends or family at least once or twice a week and don't spend one second of your precious time with them doing anything but chatting, laughing, and living life (no phones allowed). 

5.Exercise. Whether you belong to a gym or only have time to walk your dog, move your body every day and you'll feel stress melt away.

Do you work too much? How do you decompress when things get too hectic?

Image via Sven/Flickr 

What is it about a woman's pregnant body that makes some people want to run for the hills when you're around and others spew every nonsensical thing they can possibly utter about bumps and bellies while in your presence?

Actress Olivia Wilde said it best on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno this week. She joked that some people go as far as asking her if she wants to ride on a roller coaster or drink whiskey when the fact that she is pregnant is plain as day. I consider these folks the best of the bunch. They've chosen to lie remain silent about her expanding body rather than draw attention to it and risk humiliating themselves and hurting her feelings if, let's say, she's just bloated at the moment and not really pregnant. 

But far too many people still consider it their duty to comment on your tummy when you're expecting. And there's just no need.

It's one thing if I see you all of the time and you are purposely staying mum on my current physical state, even as my protruding belly threatens to knock you out of the way on our apartment building elevator. I mean, come on, I want to at least believe you don't think I got this way from drinking too many beers. Say, "Congratulations, you look great," and leave it at that. 

But if we're meeting for the first time, or if we haven't met and just happen to be sharing the same subway car, you needn't say anything about my pregnancy. Really. I won't be offended if you suppress your desire to shout, "Wow, you look healthy!" or "You are about to pop" or -- my fave -- "I wouldn't even know you're pregnant if not for your beer gut, ha, ha" (I've heard all of these comments). And this goes double if you're a man, because the likelihood that you'll say something that isn't going to make me feel creepy and icky isn't very good.

Let me make this easier. Here are some things that I'd actually love to hear while pregnant -- whether I know you or we've just met:

Congratulations.

You look amazing.

You're glowing.

Good luck.

You're pregnant and have a toddler? Oh, I remember what that was like ... don't worry, the second one is way easier.

You will notice none of these comments specifically point out parts of my body because there's no need -- I'm already fully aware of what my belly looks like. Just lie, wish me well, or empathize. Then let's talk about current events or something other than my bump.

What's the craziest thing someone has said to you while you were pregnant?

Image via Frank de Kleine/Flickr   

We take a risk each time we swipe our credit or debit cards, whether we're using them to pick up bread and milk at a small grocer or buying all of our holiday gifts at one of the largest merchandise retail chains in the country. If you used your card to shop at a Target store anytime between November 27 and December 15, you need to be aware of this breaking news: the retail giant has announced that about 40 million customers may have been affected by a data breach that occurred just as the holiday shopping season took off. Here's what you need to know about the data breach and how you can protect yourself. 

According to authorities, cybercriminals were able to install software at nearly every Target store in the nation that lifted our information when we swiped our cards while checking out. As a result, there is a possibility they could create counterfeit cards or use our pin numbers to withdraw money from our debit accounts.

Scary stuff, but it helps to know that everyone involved is taking this very seriously. Target has hired a forensic team to investigate the breach and says it immediately called authorities, credit card companies, and banks. The store also claims it has fixed the problem and it is safe to shop at Target stores. The breach did not affect online purchases, according to the store.

If you are an American Express or Discover card holder, the good news is that reps from both companies say fraud controls are in place. No comments have been issued yet from MasterCard or Visa.

There's absolutely no need to feel like you have to wait around like a victim until you hear more news. Here are some ways you can protect yourself right now if you suspect you are one of the many customers affected by this:

1. Change your debit card pin number.

2. Carefully review your credit card transactions and report anything that looks suspicious to both your credit card provider and Target at 866-852-8680. 

3. As much of a hassle as this can be, cancel your card and get a new one if you really want peace of mind.

4. Run a credit report using Equifax, Experian, or TransUnion. The report should be free if you are the victim of fraud. Review all of your transactions and report anything that looks suspicious.

5. Don't fall prey to scammers who may try to take advantage of this news in upcoming weeks. 

Are you concerned that this breach of data could have affected you? 

Image via Philip Taylor/Flickr

It's wonderful to hear news of anyone who has unexpectedly won enough money to significantly change his or her life. But it's especially sweet to find out that the latest big lotto winner comes from an underprivileged community and is now in the unique position to help out her family members. Ira Curry just came forward as one of two winners to score a portion of the $648 Mega Millions jackpot. The lucky woman, who will clear about $120 million when all is said and done, lives in Georgia but grew up in a disadvantaged section of the Bronx in New York City.

Curry says she was "stunned" when she found out she won the jackpot. The 56-year-old heard on the radio that one of the winning numbers was "7," which she had sweetly played because it was her family's "lucky number." She then called her daughter and had her read out the rest of the winning numbers, which included various family birthdays. I always poke fun at my dad for playing our birthdays and swear to him that no one ever wins by being sentimental, so I'll just eat my words right now.

Curry's sisters still live in the housing project where she grew up with a single mom. In their words, their sister is a sweet woman who totally deserves the earnings, though they are currently making plans to flee their home because they fear for their own security. No word yet on whether they'll move down south to be with Curry, and I know she doesn't owe anyone anything, but I can't help but hope she'll help set them up in a better position. 

Although she lives in a pretty Georgia suburb now, works at an insurance company, and is referred to as a "Southern belle" by her siblings, the winner and her husband reportedly filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy about 20 years ago. It's awesome to think that someone who went through rough financial times will have the opportunity to live comfortably and provide for her family as she nears retirement age. 

What would you do with $120 million? 

Image via Dustin Moore/Flickr

Two young brothers were reportedly kidnapped and abused Wednesday night in Mississippi by a man who was supposed to be under house arrest and wearing a monitoring bracelet at the time. James Harold Smith allegedly convinced the two boys, who are 5 and 8, to leave their yard and follow him to his trailer. He then reportedly slit the older boy's throat and may have sexually assaulted both boys. The children are okay and the 8-year-old is hospitalized but expected to survive -- thank heavens -- but it's disgusting to think that this heinous crime could have been avoided. 

Let's focus on the amazing part of this story first: the elder sibling basically saved his younger brother and himself from a situation that -- who knows? -- may have resulted in an even worse fate for them. After his throat was slashed, and while bleeding profusely, the 8-year-old escaped and ran to a neighbor's house for help. When cops arrived at Smith's trailer, the lunatic tried to flee his home with the younger brother, but police were able to block his car. He abandoned the child and then attempted to run away, but was caught a few miles away and arrested. 

Arrested for the second time this year, I should add.

As it turns out, Smith was arrested earlier in the year and sentenced to five years in prison for drug violations involving methamphetamine and assaulting a police officer. But he was released after just four months and, proving he could "kick" his habit by completing a drug and alcohol rehab program, was sentenced to house arrest. 

But that wasn't his first arrest, either. The man was sentenced to four years in prison for stolen property in 2006 and then had his probation revoked in 2011 for not reporting and paying his fines.

So whose bright idea was it to reward a criminal who clearly hasn't learned his lesson by granting him the privilege of a house arrest? I understand that our prisons are overcrowded and that this serves as a solution to that problem. I would probably be in favor of it if Smith's only charge was meth and he could prove he kicked his habit. But, given his prior record and ability to be violent, was it really wise to let him off so easily? Absolutely not.

Let's hope Smith finally gets what he deserves for the horrific crimes he committed against these little boys. He is currently being held on $3.5 million bond and has been charged with attempted murder, sexual battery, kidnapping, and resisting arrest. 

Do you think it was wrong to put this man on house arrest? 

Image via .v1ctor Casale./Flickr

There's been quite a bit of college bashing in the news lately. With so many grads unable to find high-paying jobs or even paying jobs, it's easy to fall in line with the idea that costly higher education degree programs are a waste of money and time.

Try telling that to Rion Holcombe and his extremely supportive family. 

The 20-year-old, who has Down syndrome, got the news of his life recently when he received a college acceptance letter from a well-known and respected university. His proud mama filmed his reaction, which will warm your heart and, if you're feeling all down about college, make you think twice about its value. 

Rion was accepted into a program at Clemson University called LIFE, which honestly sounds amazing and like something all teens would benefit from -- special needs or not. LIFE gives students with special needs an opportunity to live independently (with supervision and supports in place) on the college's campus. Students enroll in courses like Functional Literature and Functional Mathematics while also learning how to manage their schedules, cook for themselves, and find internships and jobs. 

Rion is clearly over the moon about his new identity as a college student. It's inspiring to read about and witness a family that has pushed and encouraged him to strive for college. The special education movement has made such great strides since the early 1970s, when millions of students with disabilities still were not receiving an appropriate education that was suitably challenging and tailored to their needs.

The purpose of college isn't simply to provide a young adult with a job -- it's supposed to open up a host of intellectual ideas for young people and encourage them to become free-thinking, independent adults. I hope more universities begin to offer programs for young adults and teens with special needs.

Watch Rion's heartwarming reaction to this fantastic news:

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

What do you think of college programs offered for students with special needs?

Image via YouTube

It takes a great deal of maturity and strength to admit that you need to focus on your own well-being and health and put that ahead of your career or good times. And while most of her peers (Miley, Justin) don't seem like they're quite there yet, Selena Gomez is proving that she really does have a sensible mind and is in this singing biz for the long haul. Her latest move will probably anger a lot of fans, but it's the best thing she can do for herself right now. 

The 21-year-old has cancelled 13 shows in Asia and Australia because she says she needs to spend "some time on myself in order to be the person I can be." She was scheduled to travel to Japan in mid-January and jet around the region, wrapping things up in Australia in early February.

Sounds completely exhausting. After recently headlining 55 concerts in the U.S. and Europe on her Stars Dance tour, it isn't difficult to see why she would need a well-deserved break.

But is there something else going on that we should be concerned about? 

After her appearance at the Jingle Bell concert, where she famously cursed in front of her young audience and performed fewer songs than expected before "storming" off stage, some people worried that Selena was having a meltdown. Granted, lots of 20-year-olds drop the f-bomb in between every other word, but it was uncharacteristic of squeaky-clean Selena to drop her guard and show so much negative emotion. 

But her reps swear there's nothing more to this story than what it sounds like: a young girl is seriously tired because she works very hard and wants to spend more time with her family and by herself.

I buy it and I think we need to give this poor girl a break. She isn't going to be sunshine and light at all times. And her decision to cancel her tour dates makes me feel really good about Selena's future prospects. If she shows this kind of discipline and ability to pace herself now before she burns out, then surely she can make it in this business and stand the test of time. Fingers crossed.

Now, maybe she can get back with Justin Bieber and have a positive influence on his behavior as well? What are the chances?

Why do you think Selena is taking some time off?

Image via Instagram 

How many times have you thought about entering your teen's bedroom -- the room you sweat and toil to pay for each month -- only to stop dead in your tracks because you remember that one time you walked in without knocking and caught him (or her), ugh, engaging in some quality alone time? The issue of privacy and how much of it we should give our teens suddenly becomes a major factor once they turn 13 or 14. One writer took on what can be an uncomfortable topic by penning a hilarious review of Kleenex tissues on Amazon that you must read if you're a parent -- and especially if you're raising a teenage boy. 

Although some news outlets became excited by the idea that this review was written by what would have been the funniest, coolest Christian mom on earth, it was actually posted by James Otis Thatch, who is a children's author. It still brilliantly captures what I'm guessing is the agony moms across the globe face when their little boys hit puberty:

I have a little girl and will soon give birth to a boy, so issues about teen privacy are still a few years away for me. But I can definitely recall doing certain things behind closed doors and praying no one walked in. Teens assume the world behind their bedroom door is theirs, and I am going to do my best to respect my kids' private time when puberty hits. Knocking on doors will save us both a lot of embarrassment. 

And that goes for both teen boys and girls. Most jokes about teen masturbation involve young boys, but let's not forget: girls aren't immune to a little healthy self-exploration. 

Are you careful about knocking on your teen's door and giving him or her privacy? 

Image via Amazon.com

Don't feel alone if your first thought when you read this is: oh my goodness, what?! It's extremely difficult to imagine how anyone would handle the death of their child, and I find it nearly impossible to judge a parent's choices if he or she is in this horrible situation. One father from Italy did something unusual -- but incredibly touching -- after his 20-year-old son died in a car accident earlier this year: he had his remains turned into a diamond that will endure and be passed down to family members for generations to come. 

The young man had already been buried when his father decided he wanted to do something quite different to help others and himself honor and remember his child. The funeral parlor had to exhume his son's body and then cremate it in order to obtain his ashes. Dad then sent the ashes to a firm in Switzerland that specializes in turning them into something they call "remembrance diamonds." The whole process took about eight months. 

I admit I was shocked at first to hear that someone would do this with their son's remains. As an Italian with Catholic roots, I can only imagine how much criticism this man has received in a nation that still regards cremation as taboo. But why should this dad's actions be any less endearing than burying the body of someone we love and visiting him or her every week? 

I adore the idea of creating something precious, indestructible, and beautiful out of such a tragic and terrible accident. If I were this young man's mother, I would wear his remembrance diamond over my heart at all times. I would never remove it. I would then pass it on to my children and hope they pass it on to their children. 

Or maybe it should be kept in a safe somewhere. Or incorporated into a plaque that is displayed prominently in the house. Whatever the family decides to do with the diamond, I admire the bold and heartbreaking way they've chosen to celebrate their son.

What do you think of this dad's decision to turn his deceased son into a diamond?

Image via jurvetson/Flickr

When we heard the horrific news that a man threw his toddler son from a 52-story building last night and then jumped to his own death, I'm sure we all imagined the perpetrator of this insane act to be an absolute monster. But, according to the latest reports, Dmitriy Kanarikov was a Ukrainian immigrant and hard worker with a good job who wrote on his Facebook page: "I want to be the best dad and husband -- nothing is more important to me right now." He had a beautiful wife named Svetlana Bukharina, who also used Facebook as a platform on which she announced to the world in March that she had the "best husband and son in the world."  

What happened? And how did an innocent 3-year-old go from having a potentially happy family life to having his life ended by the father who claimed to love him? 

Dmitriy and Svetlana's relationship reportedly went bust in recent months and things got so bad as the two fought over custody issues that they had to meet at a police station each time they dropped off or picked up their son Kirill. The morning of the incident, dad had picked up Kirill at the station and was instructed to drop him off at the same spot later that day. Instead, he took him to a luxury high-rise building in Manhattan, and it's still unclear why he chose this location. 

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Dad allegedly brought his son up to the roof of the building and threw him off first. He then followed by leaping to his own death. Dmitriy died immediately, but in a heartbreaking twist, the toddler died at a nearby hospital -- while wearing his Christmas pajamas. 

If you click through the couple's Facebook photos, you'll only see images of happiness and love. Dmitriy and Svetlana recorded beautiful days spent at the beach together as a family and their son -- smiling in each photo and appearing well taken care of -- seems the picture of perfect health. But this isn't the first time we've heard about horrific situations arising from bitter custody battles.

It seems like the stress of custody fights and the jealousy and pain that arise as a result are too much for some parents to handle. We'll NEVER understand how they can get to a place where it becomes more important to hurt their former partner than it does to protect their child -- but we have to admit this is happening and that it is a very real problem.

Our hearts go out to the mother who must get through this holiday season without her little boy. There are no words to express how sad and painful this must be for her.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call a suicide prevention hotline. There are always people who want to talk to you and help you. You can reach help at: 1-800-273-TALK.

What do you think would push this dad to kill his toddler son? 

Image via Facebook

As much as I love Anna Paquin as True Blood's Sookie Stackhouse, it's sometimes easy to forget, while she's slaying and bedding hot vamps left and right, that she won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress at age 11. In other words, she is one hell of a talented movie star, as well as a TV starlet. Well, sorry to break the news for all of you Paquin fans, but Stephen Moyer'sgorgeous wife will not be reprising her role as Rogue in X-Men: Days of Future Past. I mean, if you want to get all technical about it, she actually was written into the script, shot her scene, and therefore reprised her role. But this is Hollywood, where nothing is ever set in stone -- Academy Award or not -- and, well, Anna's scene ended up on the cutting room floor. And darn it, Anna deserves better.

I know, I know, a movie maker has a responsibility to tell a story that makes sense and, according to X-Men director Bryan Singer, it was discovered while editing the film that the scene in which Anna appears was "extraneous." Singer swears that his decision to cut her out had nothing at all to do with Anna's acting ability, and that he would work with the actress again "in a heartbeat." 

Singer also says Anna has been made aware of the cut -- imagine having to make that difficult phone call -- and that she is taking it very well. She's been in the business for decades, so I guess it isn't really news to her that scenes get cut sometimes. But man, must it suck to dedicate your time -- especially now that Anna has twin babies at home -- to studying your lines, showing up on set, and filming the same scene for days just to have it snipped out.

Here's hoping 2014 brings new movie roles for Anna. She needs something dramatic and meaty -- a role that will remind us why she is an Oscar winner. Fingers crossed for her.

Are you a fan of Anna Paquin? What would you love to see her do in the future?

Image via HBO.com

I don't consider myself a "helicopter parent," but if you were to ask my parents what they thought of my mommy-ing, they'd probably say I have too many silly rules about cookies and napping. And the one thing they'd complain about that's bugging them lately: she needs to let that child stay up later, especially on Christmas Eve. Let me explain. My folks, who like to maintain fairly traditional Italian holiday customs, enjoy hosting Christmas Eve at their home. They fry enough fish to feed 20 people and get a kick out of decorating every inch of their house. We don't sit down to eat until 8 or 8:30 and, if they had their way, we'd attend midnight mass and go back to their home for even more dessert. As much as I love my parents, their way of doing things on Xmas isn't exactly compatible with having a 2-year-old. And I can't help but wonder: is there a point where new parents should start taking over the holidays?

Before you remind me that it's totally horrible to snatch a holiday from two people who raised you and deserve to fry as much fish once a year as they damn well please, know that I know. I know. I think my dad has a really great and valid point when he reminds me that my brother and I spent each Christmas Eve when we were younger driving two hours away to visit relatives, and that we often didn't get home until 1 a.m. When my parents wanted to go to their friends' houses and stay an extra hour to have one more drink, well, we were staying, too. Like it or not. Bedtime, be damned.

And I know all about how babies in Paris go to bars with their parents and learn how to sleep in their strollers because they don't have any other choice. I'm starting to wonder if my brother and I and every baby that has ever lived in Paris aren't just "go-with-the-flow" types? 

I ask that question because here is what happens when my toddler doesn't stick to her bedtime routine: she wakes at 7, regardless of whether she goes down at 8 or 1 a.m., and then proceeds to torture us by crying, screaming, and acting like an absolute lunatic until she has her nap again -- which won't happen for at least another 9 hours. 

Since we spend Christmas morning and day at my in-laws, I can't imagine how dragging her kicking and screaming to their house is any more fair than letting her stay up at all hours at my parents' home the night before. Oh, I didn't mention that she refuses to nap anywhere else but in her crib? Yeah, there's that, too.

Thus, the only solution: Christmas needs to move to our home. If they want it, all parents with young children should be passed the holiday-hosting baton. The pressure to leave a guest's home at a certain time and battle traffic is eliminated. Pajamas can be put on in a timely fashion. And parents can maintain the routines they need while also getting to kick back, relax, and enjoy the holidays.

If you have young children, do you prefer hosting holidays or celebrating them elsewhere?

Image via zaimoku/woodpile/Flickr

Celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe gave birth to her second baby boy on Sunday -- a 7 lb 12 oz cutie pie. She took to Twitter last night to post what might be the most glamorous hospital shot ever seen, but more importantly, she revealed the name that she and husband Rodger Berman chose for their little boy.

We didn't think a style maven like Zoe would go for anything too traditional, but we're impressed with how much restraint she actually practiced. Her baby's name is unique, but not insanely so, it's fashionable, it's hip without going overboard, and it's just perfect for him.

Drum roll...her new baby's name is...Kaius Jagger Berman, a.k.a "Kai." Love it! 

The name "Kai" means "fire" in Scottish and "the sea" in Hawaiian, both of which are pretty cool meanings, aren't they? I love how she paid homage to Mick Jagger, or at least I'm guessing she did, by giving little Kai a rock 'n' roll middle name, but keeping his first name more or less conventional. Do you think she was inspired by Jennifer Connelly, who has a son named Kai Dugan? Regardless of where she got her inspiration, it's a great name.

Now, can we talk about her post-partum hospital picture for a second? I know I shouldn't be shocked that a woman who makes a living looking good and making others look amazing wouldn't tweet a photo of herself wearing scrubs. But holy cat eye makeup! Rachel looks like a modern-day Brigitte Bardot -- all slightly teased side ponytail and gorgeous eyes. 

This photo is inspiring me to pack a tube of liquid eyeliner in my hospital bag and make sure my first family photo with new baby is shot in dramatic (and flattering) black and white film. Thanks for the tip, Rachel!

Do you like the name Kai? What do you think of Rachel's hospital photo?

Image via Twitter/The Zoe Report

It was one of the most tragic stories we heard this week: a father threw his 3-year-old son off of the roof of a building and then followed. He and his wife were reportedly involved in a bitter custody battle over the child and it has since been revealed that dad Dmitriy Kanarikov had been verbally abusive in the past. According to ex-wife Svetlana, who now must deal with the death of her little boy, Dmitriy once threatened to take their son away if he didn't get everything he wanted in the divorce and even went as far as saying Svetlana would "shoot herself from grief." But, perhaps because their toddler always seemed happy after his visits with dad and there was never any sign of child abuse, Svetlana didn't see this coming. Who could?

We spoke with Dr. Judith A. Myers-Walls, a Certified Family Life Educator and Professor Emerita at Purdue University, who provided warning signs if you suspect your spouse is capable of violence and tips on how to handle a bitter custody battle.

Myers-Walls stresses that, as much as we'd like to prevent all bad things from happening to our family, some things are just not possible to predict and control. With that said, if a spouse is actually abusing a child, some signs include:

The parent does not seem to understand normal child development and expects too much too soon or too little too late.

The parent relies heavily on physical punishment.

He or she was abused him or herself as a child.

The parent is under very high levels of stress.

The parent has difficulty feeling attachment to a child.

"In this case, however, I do not believe the parent was trying to hurt the child," Myers-Walls says of the Kanarikov family. "I believe he was either thinking that if he couldn’t have the child, no one could, or maybe he was afraid that his ex-spouse would hurt the child."

The expert also suggests that the dad's faith may have played a role in his decision -- perhaps he believed he and his son would now exist together forever in an afterlife. 

Myers-Walls says signs that a parent could hurt a child during a divorce are seen in the couple more than in the individual parent. 

She says that parents who are divorcing often forget about the child’s well-being. Children can become tools for parents to feel powerful in the failed relationship or to get back at the other parent. She reminds us that it is critical for parents to become aware of the effect of divorce on children and to try to make decisions that will be good for the child, not just for one parent or the other.

Given this information, it's clear that threats like those Dmitriy reportedly made to his wife = possible warning signs. 

Myers-Walls' number one tip for parents going through a nasty divorce and custody battle is to use a mediator to help with the custody and dissolution decisions and/or to enlist the assistance of a guardian-ad-litem. She also recommends divorce education programs, which are actually mandated by certain states and counties. 

The bottom line is: children and their needs must remain the focus in any divorce. If you find that you or your spouse are unable to put personal needs second, seek help so that your child doesn't suffer.

Have you dealt with divorce and custody issues? What was your experience like? 

Image via Facebook