Look, we've all been tempted to try and save money on some of our least favorite beauty rituals. Manicures, for example, absolutely suck. I'd rather watch paint dry than be forced to surrender the use of my hands for 20 minutes while a person pulls at my cuticles, then sit an additional 30 minutes while my nails dry.
But I pay my $10 every few weeks because, if I don't, I'll have monster hands. And, if I even thought of doing it myself, I'd have bloody monster hands.
Most of us are crap at making ourselves look even more beautiful. I'm not talking about the 3 percent of the population who can work magic with cuticle nippers and have the business acumen to turn themselves into YouTube stars. I'm talking about the rest of us -- who watch video tutorials that provide us with a false sense of our own ability. Polish your own nails, if you must. But, unless you want to end up like this poor woman who has the worst bikini wax story EVER, you won't even think of going there.
A Reddit user named sloanesteel shared a hilarious horrifying story about how she f***ed up royally while trying to wax her own vagina. Just read a few snippets and PUT DOWN that wax kit you bought from Walmart:
In an effort to be sexy and save money I decided to wax my own vagina. I researched it online and watched videos and I've had them done professionally since I was 15. I figured if my Puerto Rican high school dropout bikini waxer can do it, then so can I. I took a Xanax and applied the wax and ripped. Easy peasy!
Ah, mistake #1: never believe you are just as skillful as someone else because some college awarded you a piece of paper. Can you sense that karma is about to kick her butt? Let's continue:
As I was applying wax to the innermost sensitive area of the vagina my husband came in the room. I was half kneeling half planking over my makeup mirror in a sports bra and nothing else while applying the wax with a tongue depresser. When he came in I screamed "DONT LOOK AT ME!!!!!" And tried to do a barrel roll behind my makeup vanity so he couldn't see me.
Ugh. Embarrassing. I'm not into putting my beauty routine on display in front of my husband, so I totally get her pain. I hide when he even sees me with a gloppy green mask on my face. Wish I could say the moral of the story is, "Don't wax when your boyfriend/husband is home," but it gets worse. WAY worse:
As I did this the tongue depresser lodged itself in between my downtown lips and the wax stuck to both sides of the tongue depresser, which was now lodged firmly into place. If you don't know anything about bikini wax it dries very quickly. I tried to open my legs but the tongue depresser was stuck to both lips and there was nothing I could do. So I figured my best bet was to breathe deeply and rip it as fast as I could. I am currently writing this in the lobby of Urgent Care while wearing an adult diaper because I ripped a two inch section of flesh off of my vagina and am bleeding rather profusely.
OMG, OUCH. I'm not sure what else this woman could have done aside from pull the depressor and hope for the best.It's not like she had a lot of options.
Oh, yes, I do know of one thing: Fork over $40 to a waxing professional -- high school degree is not a factor -- so that your vagina stays intact!
What's the worst experience you ever had with a do-it-yourself beauty ritual?
Image via digipam/Flickr