Eva Mendes recently revealed her secret to keeping hot Ryan Gosling coming back for more -- oh, and she also let us in on her totally unscientific theory for why most divorces occur: too many women are wearing hideous sweatpants. Before you slam her and say she's putting the onus of marriage all on women: the well-dressed lady actually makes a good point.
When my husband and I started dating, oh so many years ago, every dinner out, even at a casual restaurant, called for a pair of heels and either a dress or form-fitting jeans and blouse. Two children later, I don't find it practical or comfortable to zip around town in stilettos and have made the switch over to ballet flats. I would also be lying if I didn't admit I count a hideous pair of plaid flannel pajama pants as my favorite comfort-food article of clothing.
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But that's where my "comfort" dressing ends. I believe that creating romance in a marriage takes effort. And the first step is putting effort into ourselves: our passions, careers, and physical appearance. When I wake up in the morning, my first priority is obviously making sure both children are fed and dressed. My second priority, though, is ME: MY skin, MY hair, MY clothing.
I don't moisturize for the sake of my marriage. I don't exercise because I'm afraid of being a single mom. And I certainly don't wear cute dresses, even though I'm working from my kitchen table and rarely see my husband before 6, in order keep the man I married interested in me.
I do these things because they make me feel better about myself, which helps me feel like a more sexual being (even though my 3-year-old just used my dress to wipe her nose), which will -- hours from now, perhaps --result in great sex.
Ridiculous, maybe? Great sex can be had while wearing sweatpants, you say? Of course, it can. I'm not actually advocating in favor of women squeezing into cocktail dresses at 9 a.m. This is about effort and it goes both ways -- men are not off the hook here. Effort simply implies that you keep yourself groomed in a way that expresses to your partner your desire to, first and foremost, take care of yourself, and second, be as desirable to him or her as you were when you first met.
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For some women, that means looking as glam in well-fitted sweatpants as another woman might in a designer gown. For me, that means never wearing anything that resembles a nightgown after 8 a.m. Eva shouldn't be slammed or called shallow -- she's onto something important. Looks aren't everything and physical beauty fades -- but there is no age in which a woman or man should stop putting in effort.
What do you think? Do you still get dressed up or put in a lot of effort for yourself and your husband?
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