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Some of the most beautiful, and important, classical works of poetry were considered scandalous and smutty in their day. But that fact was not a comfort to parents at Nederland High School in Texas, who were livid after discovering an unidentified teacher read a vulgar poem to a class of freshmen students.
The teacher apparently harbored fantasies of starring as John Keating in Dead Poets Society, even though he taught math, because he reportedly made the bizarre choice to whip out a sex poem in class and begin reciting it to a group of really young high schoolers. It's been awhile since I took an algebra class, but I definitely don't remember multiplying polynomials with Lord Byron's help.
When parents got wind of this, they were beyond angry. The teacher reportedly ended up resigning, which is probably for the best considering he would have likely been suspended and forced to endure an embarrassing and weird investigation.
Maybe you're thinking: well, this is just one of the many reasons why education today is failing our children—teachers aren't being given the opportunity to teach in creative ways.
Except, no. The poem that this teacher reportedly recited wasn't one you dissected in school. Though it still would have been odd for a math teacher to stop class and read a raunchy poem, parents might have been more understanding had he chosen John Donne's The Flea. To His Coy Mistress, by Andrew Marvell. Practically anything by Byron.
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But this teacher decided to read something a little more, um, modern. Here's the poem he reportedly recited—one that has been making its way around the Internet and hasn't been credited to one single author:
In the Garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Without any clothes.
In this garden,
Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam’s,
One covered Eve’s.
As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
The wind came along,
And blew the leaves away.
At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve’s treasure,
All covered with hair.
And wonder came,
Under Eve’s eyes,
As Adam’s thing,
Started to rise.
They found a spot,
That suited them best,
A nice big tree,
Where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider,
And wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.
The head of Adam’s thing,
Peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.
Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve’s treasure,
Was all wet inside.
The joy was good,
She wouldn’t let loose,
Until Adam’s thing,
Was all out of juice.
Then down through the years,
People did screw,
And now it is time,
For me and you.
So pull down your pants,
And lay in the grass,
Cause I’m in the mood,
For a piece of that ASS!
Would you have complained if your child's teacher read this poem in class?
Image via alamosbasement/Flickr
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.