Vanessa Lachey, who is expecting her second child with husband Nick, just revealed a mommy-to-be secret that is sure to get some folks riled up. In an interview with American Baby, the former TV host and model admitted that she felt zero connection with her baby bump during her first pregnancy -- no bond, nada -- UNTIL she found out she was having a boy. The 34-year-old says she told Nick she thought something was wrong with her and that she had waited her whole life for this special moment and couldn't understand why she was forcing herself to feel a bond that wasn't there yet. Sadly, she isn't the only mom who has been made to feel like an instant connection is a sign of true mommy love.
Everywhere we look -- especially on social media sites like Instagram -- we see examples of moms bonding like crazy with their babies before they're barely out of their first trimesters. In one portrait, a mom is cradling her bump while kicking autumn leaves on a nature walk. In another portrait, a doting dad kisses her tummy and she looks like she's in absolute heaven.
In reality, these things do happen. Happy moms really do kick leaves into the air while looking positively adorable and in love with this little person they haven't yet met. But a great many women experience a different emotion during pregnancy: indifference.
I'm not saying we love our babies less. I'm saying we have a difficult time feeling a connection with a being who feels so abstract. It doesn't help that a lot of us are wrapped up in following the perfect healthy diet, staying away from every toxin under the sun, and doing every single other thing right to ensure our babies are born healthy. Fear overtook me several times while I was pregnant with my first baby, and I found it impossible to focus on her and not on all of the things I needed to do to keep her alive.
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I understand where Vanessa is coming from -- finding out my baby's gender made me feel like I had been introduced to her for the first time. Everything during pregnancy feels like one big mystery, and the gender reveal was the first time I felt like I had been let in on a major secret. Rather than feel an instant connection with my daughter, our bond developed over time -- and continues to develop with every day that passes. And moms should know that is just as normal as feeling a bond the day you find out you're pregnant.
Did you bond with you baby while pregnant or did it take time?Did you feel differently after finding out his or her gender?
Image via vanessalachey/Instagram